Meilee - my story , my world, my life, my love

My dream

2010-10-13T00:12:00.000-07:00

I always know I want to be different when I was young. And I know I never want to be the same on the same path everyone would do. So I want to go away from a place that limited myself so much - the so-called comfort zone.

What is my dream? What am I pursuing? What do I want? What is the things I really passionate?
People start to ask me when I was in DC. They are all people with big dreams and working on everything to accomplish it. Well. What about me?? I have no idea. I want to enjoy my life with meeting interesting people with interesting and diverse perspectives. And there's so much for me to learn out there. I lost focus on my dreams and myself. My life was focus on my love and my friends. Well , you are right. What about yourself?

Perhaps I lost the biggest intention I would love to find throughout all the journey I have done.

I came back to my focus now and I always want to do something big when I was young. I used to be so ambitious and dream big that people think I'm crazy.

Well, I start again. What do I want? specially thanks to my man :) He is an ambitious man that have full of energy to pursue his dream and determine to do everything to achieve it. You are a great example and tutor for my life .

I came back home with all the experiences and I'm starting a completely new field here. I knew I would love to helps people and working in a diverse environment to expand my views. And thanks to the diverse environment and the people I met in DC. Giving me an idea and realize what I want. And thanks to my mentor in DC who helps me a lots . And all those great people to let me know nothing is possible.

The connection and network I have did helps to introduce me to this field. And now I'm here and just started. I was anxious yet so excited. What it's going to bring me? I don't know yet. But definitely everything good.

I miss you everyone. But one day I will standing in front of everyone and tell you I come back again , now with everything I know what I want for myself and the world.

Home or away

2010-09-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

Second time back home for my 4 years living abroad.

It's harder than I thought. I know I don't even wanna come back.

It's different than last time. I came back with a feeling to get a rest and relieve last time. I came back without the sadness but I don't need a rest this time.

I went through a lots of things during the year in DC. I came out from the grieveness. I learn to stand by myself. I accepts a lots of love. I learn to open myself. I learn new things. And at last I discover my dream. I figures out something I can do for myself. I met the one will support me always.

I went for travel to fulfill what's been left last time. the time I'm not brave enough.

I told myself.I did whatever I can. I'm letting go this time and I will let myself lying at his arms.
I left a piece of myself with you on the day we first met. I never get it back since we were apart.
But I know I will find another part to replace it.
Take care of my part.

And I will try to go towards my dream this time.

Ciao.
Bisous.

airplane

2010-06-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

I just came back from the trip yesterday night.

I have to take the plane from El Paso, the bordertown of US and Mexico.
I have no idea how many times I have travel with plane. But i know each time when I take the flight I have to say bye to someone.

Everytime I took a flight, the feeling was different. This time I'm going back to DC where I lived for a while to meet my friends and so called temporary home now.

When I was in flight, there so many flashback. Some of it makes me headache. I have done so much these four years here. The great moments. the grief. Everything. And when it came to you, my tears still there. and my wounds still there.

It almost the same day when everything happened at this time.

It's a new journey with familiar things.

The place

2010-01-12T07:17:00.001-08:00

Take me nowhere
but your closed heart

The one I miss

2010-01-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

"Just say goodbye. You can say it when you get up from the couch. You can say it at the door. I will say it when you get to your car. I'll scream it as you drive away. "
Thomas

paper heart

2009-12-10T17:59:00.000-08:00

I don't care. Life is too short to be wondering what if. Sometimes you just got to live to see what happen even if you got hurt, sometimes you could only feel something if you take the risk.

I, Mei Lee Ling is taking that risk. :)

I salute myself

2009-12-08T17:05:00.001-08:00

It's a big turning point.

yes it is

2009-12-06T21:05:00.001-08:00

Being strong isn't about hiding your weakness.
It's about knowing how you feel, being grounded,
and allowing the feelings to move through you and
expressing them.

best quotes for me.

2009-12-04T23:19:00.000-08:00

"It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst. And then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me, like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little live" American Beauty

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, a nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, but it ain't about how hard you hit it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now if you know what you're worth than get what you're worth but you gotta be willing to take the hits" Rocky VI

thiery - the finding

2009-11-30T20:21:00.000-08:00

you will know 'it' when you feel it. And when you do, i beg you. If it teach you anything, it is that the beginning is everything. Recognize it and take it.

:)

2009-11-21T10:07:00.001-08:00

i love my curly hair and little dress. :)

The Movie

2009-11-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

To become a part of the society, pay tax for the US gov. Get benefits from the job. Woohoo~ yeah. I have a series of things to be done.

Coming out from the school is really facing the world. You are a part of it.
I don't know how to say it. Somehow, everything you watched on TV. The scandal, the drama, the relationship, the affairs... every things just happened in front of you. And you are like an actor inside this movie.

to be continued....

What I'm doing here?

2009-11-09T16:37:00.000-08:00

Well. I'm working in DC now for vaccine development. Basically we are working on research that cooperate with a NGO that looking for a cheaper vaccine that can help the tropical diseases in poor or developing countries. Vaccine for disease in Asia, Africa, Latin America.

I'm focusing on a disease called Onchocerciasis. Okay. I studied it before in the university but I never thought of i will be working to this disease. Because its use to makes me felt disgust when I see the picture. Maybe most of you dont know about it. It's a disease that cause blindness and mostly happened in Africa and transmit by flies. the worms will actually lived inside your eyes. Search on wiki. :)
Show you interesting picture here. :)

When people heard about what I work. They said WOW. It's an impressive job. But for me, I'm proud for what I'm doing. And yet it's stressful most of the time. You have to actually develop a real vaccine for human use within a certain period because people sponsor you for that. And you have to go through government approve for those medical use things.:/ yeah. big responsibility.

How did I get the job?? hmmm.By luck I think. And yeah. Thank you for give me the chance.
What's next then?? I don't know. I'm planning on new dream. Updating soon.:)

It's always true

2009-11-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

That's all I need.

Sometimes it's hard to see the lines we've drawn until we cross them. That's when we rely on the ones we love to pull us back and gives us something to hold on to.

<3

woohoo

2009-11-03T16:24:00.000-08:00

Meilee got a new house and a new room. with her old bear. :)

yippie. :)

Me in new city

2009-10-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

Flashed back...

5 years ago, when I was still a high school kid in the small town Segamat.

I remember how I used to watch Sex and the City, and all kinds of US movie, drama.
We used to have a girl talk about how we will live in the upscale city in US like the girls. High heels, cute dress, modern city, fancy bags, pretty building. I remember how we always made jokes about how we will look like having teatime in one of the coffee shop. How we actually walking on the street with our dresses.
Our little dream in a small town.

Well. Now every time I'm walking on the street. I feel like I'm in the dream. Looking at those pretty little things.

I never thought I will get a job here and actually live here now.

Yes I did it. I'm working here. :) Nothing is impossible.

The super words and sentences. :)

2009-10-26T16:03:00.000-07:00

Follow your heart, because if you always trust your mind, you'll always act on logic, and logic doesn't always lead to happiness.

There are two things which prevent us from achieving our dreams. The first is the belief that they are impossible and the second is seeing them made possible by the twist of the wheel of fortune when we least expect it. For at that moment, all our fears rise to the surface: the fear of suddenly setting off along a road heading god knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing forever all that is familiar.

Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past - stop planning the future - stop figuring out precisely how we feel - stop deciding with our mind exactly what we want our heart
to feel - sometimes we just have to go with the flow.

DC DC DC

2009-10-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

It's been a week more in DC. And I haven't settle my life yet.Well.. I have to admit it makes my life not in organize which is not good. It was a good place to meet people in hostel but still after staying one week I'm feeling more tired each day by day. I need to have a good room to rest and get my energy for work. Gosh.. Luckily I haven't start to work.

Like always it was hard to restart a new life in a new place knowing nothing about the place and knowing no ones here but Obama. :/ Finding new things and new culture each day is fun but having a long term without stable life. You will know you will physically and mentally broken. At least I am.

And yes. Meilee is good to have those that always around for support. Have to thankssssssssssssssssssssssss so much for the sweet and encouraging words with love plus care from all around the world.

I'm so grateful to have you all. It's enough for me.

One more thing which makes me happy is I finally can get hugssss and kisses almost everyday from people and friends. It's the things I miss so much when I was in M'sia.
It has become a part of my life.

I feed by love, care, hugs and kisses.

HUGS AND KISSES

Love,
Meilee :)

Sayonara Msia

2009-10-16T02:00:00.000-07:00

:)
tata. After stayed in my comfort zone for a while, I'm ready to take the challenge again. Fully recharged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And ready to go.

I have to say these almost three years away from Msia, there's a lots of things has changed. For the good and for the bad. I lost certain feeling towards something and I have to admit it. I was expecting a different scenario when I'm back. Well, I have to take it. People has changed, feeling has changed, relationship has changed. Somehow some of the bonds you have changed as well, that's the sad part. Anyhow, the true feeling and bonds are still there.

I was in KLIA just now flying again. it was exactly the same thing I was doing 3 years ago but I wasn't crying or feeling scare this time. I still feel reluctant to leave my parents but the will I wanna go out for my dream even stronger. Maybe I have changed as well.

Going to a place that I know no one and restart everything like always. I have doing this every year. 2007- Iowa. 2008- Oregon. 2009- DC. :)
I will never get used to it. But I know I will find the place that I like.
Before that, I should just go with courage and explore!!!!!!~~
Gambateh Meilee. The one beside you will always there. :)

Hugs and kisses

Love,
Mei Lee
Beijing Oct 16 2009

The Love you speak

2009-10-07T05:53:00.000-07:00

Somehow the article reminds me what the lecturer told us when I so young -->>18. While we were still in Nilai. Speak to me of love.

The conversation
The young guy sat with his father and said: "I want to have a close relationship with you." His father said: "I tried to do that your whole life, but I do not know how."
It reminds me someone told me the same thing. The conversation made a deep impression on me. Sometimes I don't know how as well even I want to.

If you really need to know your loved one with you, and speak his love language, get in touch. A love language is the way we express our devotion, can be learned or changed to touch the hearts of our loved one.

The 5 Love Languages

Acceptance of gifts - gifts and physical. Signs of affection move you.

Quality Time - This may be expressed either through those intimate tête-à-tête talks or about the things together.

Acts of service - you prefer your love through favors and housework and things to show for other people.

Physical Touch - You want to give and / or receive physical affection.

Words of Affirmation - You need to listen to praise, you know, to be loved, and you can also choose to express your affection verbally.

Every person has your preferred love language. Most of us expect that to have such love for us in a way that the other person wants to have expressed to him expressing that they are in the same way.

Now that I think about it, my father was a guy that has acceptance of gifts (I think) but I preferred walked out with him and spend quality time. Plus I am a hugger. It is no wonder that we are fighting! It's hard to tell which love language a person is till you connect and notice their daily life well.

hmmm.. love is always full of hope. <3

<>

the most valuable thing in your heart

2009-09-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

Cherish people that love you
and people that you love

Sometimes you just look up and forget to look into your heart

Romance

2009-09-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

Chris Craymer- Romance Book

I loves the photos he took. :) He can simply captures the moments which means romance and love.

It is so heartwarming and each picture telling you the lovely and touching story for each of them.

It is so joyful. Love shines through in each beautiful photo.

2009-08-30T00:12:00.000-07:00

Thank you for making me laugh. :)

my girls :)

2009-08-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

I went to KL last week.
To meet my girls. :)
Dress up, shopping, sing K, eat eat eat, and talk talk talk.

yon yon have acc me lots lots. I love you so muchhhhhhhhhhh and thank you always been there. hehe. specially thanks to martin too. fetching us all around. :)

ss, quek and lier. :) A nice KL trip. :)

changes

2009-08-27T05:37:00.000-07:00

Before I was being far away
Before I left
I was told never stop believing
I was told never change what inside
I was told so

So i still believe in it after went through everything
So i don't want to change

And the end
it turns out everyone has changed
there's no one believe in it

And my stubbornness want me to keep it
I guess i should know how to choose what to keep
Believing in everything blindly makes me such a fool.

冷

2009-08-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

现实残忍的可怕。
无论多么地悲哀，残酷却不会同情。

sayang

2009-08-15T18:09:00.000-07:00

You cannot see it but you can always feel it.

It all comes down to who's by your side.

Pretty Wings

2009-08-15T03:55:00.000-07:00

I still believe in fairy tales. :)

Monterrey

2009-08-14T03:12:00.000-07:00

hehe.
sorry, and i know you always here. I try to keep up on writing. :)

gosh

2009-08-11T00:19:00.000-07:00

I'm so emotional.
so much feeling.

finally

2009-08-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

Finally I have booked the ticket.
Finally I'm going back.
Finally I will go back to the place that i have been left for a long time.
Finally

I feel excited, happy, and proud of myself too.
Finally i made it.

When I first decide to leave my home, Malaysia, it was when I was 14. That's why I worked so hard and I went to Nilai for college. And I decide to come here by myself without being with all the Nilai fellows in Des Moines. The reason that make me wanna to leave my home at that time was still actually what I'm having now. It's still always in my head. And I haven't get the answer yet. Even though, I'm happy with myself and I never thought the experience i got would be like this.

The time when I stepped out of Malaysia, I always thinking when I will come back to here again. I'm not sure and I know i never know when. It was a tough experience for me but it makes me what I am now. And I'm glad I decide to come all alone.

It's a feeling I cannot describe with words. But when I flashed back, everything, everywhere, everyone. I know I'm not the one same as before, but i never change whatever I appreciate and whatever that still me.

And now finally I will back to the land again after so long..so long..
And finally I guess i can get a complete rest.
A feel that have been lost for so long.

I'm excited. And nervous as well.
I'm taking my flight tomorrow. :)

I'm sharing the joy and sad.
the depressing moment, the frustrating moment, the wonderful moment, the exciting moment.
these almost three years time without Malaysia and Malaysian. :)

i breath,

2009-08-04T12:32:00.000-07:00

she needs sudden surprise
lung free breath
see clearly herself in the night

She thanked the places make what she is today
treasure those
how little possibility two person in a world meet each other in a trillion trillion population
and know each other
get into each person life
influence the person life
become close
and in love

She did not want to forget
she did not want to lost the courage of love
words and expressions
facing herself honestly

dancing the feeling
singing the sincerity
finding herself

Being far away

2009-08-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

I realized I missing something still.

continuing bagpacking

2009-07-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

ok. I'm just came back to civilization on Saturday.

but I'm back to hiking again. I went for a road trip with two Germans i met on the trip. ya, they pick me up for their trip. so i will be gone for a while agaaaaaaaaaaaain. :)

that's so much experience i have . and going to update soon. it's really once in a lifetime.

i miss you guys too.

Tono: get back to you soon. thank you for the concern. i misssssssssssss you so much too. will talk to you face to face soon. love. :) too much stuff.

Yon: i know you always there for me. :) love.

WH: no worryyyyyyyyyy. im good good still.:)love.

everyone: meilee still on the trip and the concern you gave makes me feeeeeeeel so goooooood. :) loveeeeeeee you all. hugsssssssss and kisssssssss.

reveal

2009-07-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

aherm.

I have to admit that i haven't reach the peace of mind yet.
I thought i have and I convince myself i am.
Turn out I'm getting worse when i try to avoid the thingy inside me.
I'm smiling. I'm laughing. I'm joking.

But i got insomnia. I lost my appetite. I'm exhausted everyday.
Now my eye infection come again. Doctor asked me to get daily vitamin to boost up my immune before. But i stop for a while. fuuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~~

Your boss get mental breakdown. I think I am as well.
Finally, i get out of the town to find the lost piece of mine.

I still feel the insecurity and anxiety.
I have to figure out a way.

Calm, quiet, comfort of mind.

well, It's not good to have infection this time. I have to challenge my physical part these 10 days.
I will camping and hiking and climbing all around the national park with a bunch of unknown bagpackers. I will be in place that there is no one. wooohooo~~!!
And I'm having my 15KGGGGGGGGGGGGGG bagpack to carry around.
I haven't workout for a while. I haven't get enough sleep. My body are fighting with the bacteria. And my body hates me right now.aghhhhhh~~ihope i won't die during the bagpacking trip. :P

Bless me, my friend.

p.s: thank you for the encouragement and care again. without those, i might become even worse. I will gambateh gambateh.
If i don't update my news often or in 10days. do contact 911. :)

Love you guys and love myself.

Mei lee

:)

2009-07-16T09:25:00.001-07:00

it's hurt here <3 so much.

dissapear

2009-07-16T09:15:00.000-07:00

the insecure feeling is growing
even i say nothing
:)

i'm smiling
even i don't feel good still

i'm saying i'm ok
but i'm not even sure

go go go go go

2009-07-15T00:46:00.000-07:00

I have to be super super super brave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!!!~~~~
Remember you are super super meileeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~
:0
Gambateh~~~~

Remember : don't lose the wonder of child in yourself.
Remember : for every smile you've help create
Remember : every soul within you
Remember : never lose to the reality
Remember : your pretty dream :)

It's hard to make it.
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time.
You will get through it all.

Maybe sometimes i really feel like I'm two steps behind
There are a many reasons why i should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things i believe

Should never stop believe.

" When something's suffered damage and has a history, it becomes more beautiful."
" The person that know you will see your beauty, damage and all. "

Mei Leeeeeeeeeeeee is coming back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-13T11:42:00.001-07:00

Yeah yeah~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mei Lee is coming back in Aug. :)

Segamat gang and Nilai gang. :)

I wanna eat lots lots of foods.
I wanna play lots of stupid stuff.
I wanna laugh out loud.
I wanna play crazy thing with my lil toys.
I wanna dress up like always.
I wanna eat bah kuh teh.
I wanna hang out in mamak stall till 3am.
I wanna karaokeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..
I wanna meet my girlssssssssssssss.
I wanna go to beach and live in the islandddddddd..
I wanna shopping~~~
I wanna meet pappyyyyyyy, mummmmmmmmmmyy, feiiiifeiiiii, and bebeeeeeee.:)
I wanna drive super super fast like always and wont get fine.:)
I wanna pasar malam.
I wanna pillow talkkkkkkkkkkkkk and stay overnight in a small room with friends.
I wanna danceeeeeeeee with youuuuuuuu all.
I wanna sleep and stay close to you allllll.
I wanna hugssssss and kissssssssss you allllllllll.:)

huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~~Too much stuff i wanna doooooo~~~~~~~~

Princess, ghost, octopus, lil meilee, a.meiiiiiiiii, 美莉 is cominggggggggg backkkkkk
to Malaysiaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~

love always. <3

You

2009-07-12T00:28:00.000-07:00

I have seen you being stupid
I have seen you being so sarcastic
I have seen you being so sweet
I have seen you being so scary
I have seen you being so cute

I have seen you being so confuse
I have seen you being worry
I have seen you laugh out loud
I have seen you being so mad
I have seen you being so nice
I have seen you being so mean

I have seen you being so Asian
I have seen you being so ding ding
I have seen you being so pinky piggy
I have seen you being so baby
I have seen you being bossy
I have sen you being satisfied with cookies.

I have seen you singing
I have seen you playing
I have seen you cooking
I have seen you playing
I have seen you dancing
I have seen you walking

I have seen your love
I have seen your caring
I have seen your ignorance
I have seen your stubbornness

I listened to your songs.
I listened to your stories.
I listened to your jokes.

The gift I treasure.

p.s: I never see you cry. :P

----------------------------------------------------------------------==
You taught me life
You taught me peace
You brought me down with no disgrace
You showed me love
Was what I need
Now in a different place
On a different speed

I miss our time
I miss your way
I miss everything we say

And now I keep it here <3

new beginning

2009-07-11T21:58:00.000-07:00

well. Everything came to the end.

All I wanna to say is appreciate everything that i had.
Thank you.

I'm having a good memories and experience.
Crave the love, good memories in my heart and let it remains. The heartprint.

Life is a continuing series of beginning and endings,
losses and gaining,
all folding in one long stretch, one lifetime and one forever.

Wish the best for everything.

Je suis chanceux et reconnaissant pour vous avoir. Vous met un sourire sur mon visage. Dans cette brève durée que nous avons été ensemble, j'ai pour apprendre des sorts. Vous me donnez les sentiments les plus étonnants à l'intérieur. Il est des mémoires merveilleuses. Merci de l'amour.

Nous nous réunirons encore. C'est une promesse.

Amour toujours
Love always,
Mei Lee

Bisous
étreintes

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you;
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home ev'ry day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.

I'll pretend That I'm kissing
the lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home ev'ry day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.

All my loving I will send to you.
All my loving, darling I'll be true.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you:
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home ev'ry day,
And I'll send all my loving to you

All my loving I will send to you.
All my loving darling I'll be True.
All my loving All my loving ooh
All my loving I will send to you

you you you

2009-07-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

i know you always said everyone always there support me even they are not beside me.. but i need people right by side now. bang Tonioooooo..yon..

让我走。。。

SF trip july 24th III and when I'm back from trip. :)

2009-07-01T19:45:00.000-07:00

IN CONCLUSION

Ok. i end the trip last Thursday. So pretty much the last day i was there i spent most of my time walking here and there by myself. I went to Chinatown --->>>A must. And i met an very nice old couple. I talked with them and yumcha with them . It's really remind me when i eat dimsum with my parents in the morning. We wen to eat dimsum and i told them why i'm here and everything. Both of them are origin from Hongkong. And they keep on praising me.
:)

Later they like me so much and introduced me to all the people in the chinatown and bring me around chinatown to eat tong shui..aghhhhhh~~~i havent have this since i got to US. and i missed it super super much. :)

Ok. then i left the night by starlight coast to Corvallis. Home sweet home. It's weird when i'm back. Siavash came and picked me up in Albany. And then i felt relaing when i'm home. Sleeping for whole afternoon since it's been a while i have goodnight sleep. The next day i was waiting for them to coming back. :)

I went for a brunch with him. It's might be the very last time in Corvallis. We talked a lots . And it's been a while we can talked so relaxing. And we went for a walk to his house and view all the roadtrip pics. It was a nice day. Even i was feeling so weird inside me because the time is so limited. But yeah everything has the end.

On sunday we went to Florence sand dune. It's not a nice trip for me. :( So i dont wanna talked about it.

When i was back to corvallis , i directly went to find Stephane and Djamel who always makes me more comfortable. And yeah we discussed our trip to Seattle. and :)yeah.

WE

2009-07-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

In 2008 our first dinner. :)

In 2009 our last dinner. :(

Sunday is the last night we four together to eat and walk. It was so sad but yet we are making joke all the way and it was always nice when we four gather and eat together like the very first time. I don't like the feeling. I love you all.

:)

2009-06-30T20:35:00.001-07:00

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage

my bagpacking trip II

2009-06-29T23:46:00.000-07:00

Ok. I have to continue my blog for the trip otherwise i wont finish it somehow. So ya. hmm.. I met Diana the funny German girl and we spent the whole afternoon talking in La Boulange, the super super nice cafe i like in SF. She was telling me her life and how she come to visit her cousin here, her admirer and her opinion of love life. And she is security guard in German. This girl is 28 yrs old but she doesnt look like it and was very fun. I really like her. How she think how conservative the people in the midwest of US. HEHE.." We can be naked swimming in German but here sometimes even i wore a bikini they dont allow me sunbathing near the farm place. " I was laughing nonstop. The world was too big and different with different perspectives.

Then we decide to go out together again the same night for the night life. SF nightlife is the best. While as you know me well, i cannot touch alcohol. hmm.. but i still wanna have fun since i been in Corvallis for super super long time. So i decide to spent one more night in SF because of her. woohoo.. yeah.

I went back dress up nicely and meet her in her hostel. At there, a guy wanna drive us to eat in somewhere. Ok it's not a good decision to do that . Hitch hiking is always dangerous but since we are two girls we are lazy to walk so we agree to let him bring us. This guy is from Israel, and all along the way he was cursing nonstop. Fxx word in every single sentence. aghhhhhhhhh~~~but it was funny when everthing with Diana. And he even said he wanna kidnap me because i'm small . +_+ Omg...later luckily he didnt come and eat dinner with us because there is no parking spot so he drop us in a place.fuuuuuuu~~~

Later we eat dinner in a hongkong chinese place. :) it was nice. After that we going to find some bar to hangout. Because we are not familiar with the town nightlife plus its weekday there is not a lots of ppl everywhere. We been walking in cold for almost 1 hour to find a nice place. Then we decide to ask people on the street. And this guy bring us to a nearer neighbourhood. At there, he asked another guy on the street to bring us. Such a coincidence, Martin, is a german guy working for a magazine in SF. and he is going to a bar to meet his friend from german that come for vacation. aghhhh...He is a very nice and gentleman guy. Ya, most of the germans i met are pretty gentleman. They always give me a good impression. He was very ambitious and happy about his girlfriend coming to visit him soon. :)a very cute long distant couple.

So he bring us to a nice place and meet all these new friends. :) There is spanish people, Mexican , french in the group of 13 ppl. So we all hang out in a very nice bar. They all talk about their life and how they come here for an education trip. I was amazed by that. And they are all really nice. And i met a Parisian as well, people from Jeremie's hometown. He told me he is a teacher in a middle school in SF. and he is going back to Paris soon in one week just like Jeremie. :/ It's make me miss him lots.

ok. Then Diana lived pretty far away so she took a cab back to hostel. And i stay with the other people because they were staying in the same hostel as mine. I only took one cocktail which the bartender made specially for me because of the Parisian that recommended. :) then i start to get dizzy. Ok. they wanna get some beer down on the street like most of the europeans never get enough alcohol.:) so they walked me to hostel before they start another round again. hmm..it's a very fun random trip. but yes it's amazing too. Sometimes a little bit random stuff makes daily life interesting. Meeting ppl from all around the world always made me feel like i live the life fullest somehow.

ok..i will continued to write my next day trip...im tired..I'm now in seattle road trip with my dearest Djamel and Stephane and Djamel's friend Samiak??? ok..i will update this trip soon as well .:)

here some pictures in SF :)

yes

2009-06-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

I know it's my life. And i have to decide for myself.

I need support and encourage too. I need love surround me too.

To deal with it, i need someone to share my joyful and sadness moment too.

I'm a human being too. I need people to guide and support me too. I wish there is someone to walk with me.

I'm not super. I just pretend to be ok. I'm scare too. But i still walk with smile on my face. I wish i can tell you so. I need a hug, a hand to hold on, shoulder to lean on, someone there to talk to.

my bagpacking trip

2009-06-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah. I stop writing for a while.
Because i was in vacation after my graduation. :)

There is a lots story before the trip. But I will tell it later when I'm getting better. :)

Im still in San Francisco now. I'm going back soon. These few days is a weird super trip. Ya. I have been here before this. Last year with yang.

Now i revisit by myself. It's a trip to relax myself and pick up myself as well. So i try to get out from Corvallis. Well. First night, i reached here nothing much to say. Because it's during the night. I went out for a walk and on the way finding the hostel was pretty scary because this time I chose a hostel near downtown. If you know SF, downtown is full of homeless and weird stranger. So I think I'm pretty brave. woohoo..

First day I was in a room with three American girls nothing much to say because they sleep early and was gone the next early morning. So turn out i spent whole night in the lobby chatting with friends. To reduce my anxiety as well as try to relax myself. I felt thankful for those that always there for me.

I was planing to leave the second night. So i packed my stuff and called to went a short trip with a tour guide.I didnt get it in the beginning somehow at last he come and pick me up. His name is Ellie, a new yorker lived in SF for 10 years major in SF history, (hmmm, interesting) . So he picked me and a korean guy in my hostel then a British couple and 2 American girls plus a german girl from diff place. Ok. i will talk about the story of ppl i met. I think it's interesting how different each person life and adventure.

The korean guy is quite elder i think. He came to United states for three months to hiking all the mountain here so he stopped by SF. He is leaving to Grand canyon after this trip. He is very talkative. But he keep on talking to me only. Guess im the only Asian there. (but it's really bother me. then he try to take picture of me. +_+''') his camera was broken so i have to take his photos as well.

I did not talked with the Americans and the couple because they are living and stay close on their own. Ok. The german girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-->>Diana.

The trip was fun because of her. We are so connect to each other. We laugh and talk along the trip and having a lots of fun with her. So i plan to stay one more night to travel with her. We went to La Boulange cafe ( a cafe i love because of the yummy pastries)after the trip. We spent our whole afternoon there sitting outside and talking. About our life about our trip about a lots.

Well. ermm.. i have a lots to talk about this amazing girl. But i wanna go to rest room now.

To be continued.......

Mei Lee <3

stupid meilee

2009-06-10T16:29:00.000-07:00

I'm always the stupid one.

I don't know how to speak.
I only know how to write.
To express the inner me.

what's there

2009-06-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

what's there hiding in?

the voice.
the feeling.
everything i try to bury deep inside.

don't confuse me.

it's enough that you only see my smile face.

Everyone has a flaw

2009-06-04T00:58:00.000-07:00

We so often are kinder to strangers than those closest to us. The ones that are closest to us are around us so much more often than strangers who we encounter usually only briefly and by chance. And the one that are closest, we usually take it for granted for everything and so use to it which sometimes you forget how to appreciate things. However, I do not feel that excuses the uncharitable attitude we often display toward our loved ones.

What I mean here is, many of us might stop and give a lift to someone, or a friend when they need a favor or a run, a ride. But, if our love asked us to do a favor for them, we'd bemoan this wonderful opportunity for service. I am just as guilty of this as anyone so am in no way trying to point fingers

No one is perfect. It's not a cop out if you won't let it be. But we do need to admit our mistake and weakness. So if we're not perfect, we have opportunities to strive to be better; more charitable, more kind, and more loving. In striving to be so, we are both making love for those around us, and having love.

To love is to be loved

"in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

till it happens to you

2009-06-03T22:23:00.000-07:00

I know what I said
Was heat of the moment
But theres a little truth in between the words we've spoken

Please don't ask me where I'm going
Cause I don't know
No I don't know anymore

What you think to do
Till they get over
You can only learn these things
From experience
When you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you

haha vs sobsob

2009-06-02T18:04:00.000-07:00

我是一個很容易開心難過大哭的人

lesson

2009-05-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

I have learned to forgive and forget.I have learned to give.
I'm learning to love.I'm learning to be strong.
I'm learning to let go of myself.

nothing

2009-05-28T23:18:00.000-07:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person who wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You will have your heart broken more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts, too, so remember what it felt like when yours was broken.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt, because every sixty seconds you spend being upset is one minute that you'll never get back.
the best kind of love is not always an easy r0ad because life will thr0w you curve balls .sad things happen s0metimess. i think that the greatest are th0se that have overc0me 0bsticals because they have witHst0od th0se things that life can thr0w at them.

emotional neglect

2009-05-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

"Being hurt by what is not there"

i read this article today. well. It does give me a deep thought. And ya. Those that know me well do know how i feel. :) It's a scar that's there which cannot been seen from the smiling face.

It is something that does not just apply to kids but to all levels of life. Emotional needs is always there.We all know that broken bones can hurt. We all know that bruises can hurt. But there are other kinds of hurt as well.

Maybe you have also heard about emotional abuse. Sometimes people are hurt not with fists or hands or belts, but by words that grown-ups use. Kids are told that they are stupid. Or that they are no good. Or that they are ugly. We know that these words hurt too.

Emotional abuse can hurt as much as physical abuse. But it can be harder to see.

People can suffer from emotional neglect. Emotional neglect means ignoring or rejecting emotional needs or emotional well-being.

Emotional neglect happens when people feel do not get the love and attention that they need to feel good about themselves. They never been told how loved they are. They do not have someone to show them affection, like hugs and kisses. They are not told by how important they are. They dont get praise when they do something right.

Just as emotional abuse can be harder to see than physical abuse, so can emotional neglect be harder to see than physical neglect. But we know that it can hurt just as much as (or even more than) physical abuse or emotional abuse or physical neglect. Often there Is overlap.People may not give the love or care someone need.

There are people suffer not because of something that is done to them, but because of something that is not done for them. Emotional neglect hurts because of something that is not there, something that should be there. Everyone deserves love and attention. Everyone deserves to feel important and worthwhile.
Anyhow to feel good about yourself sometimes you do need people you love to give you the message that you are important, either through words or through smiles or hugs or attention, you feels unloved. When kids go through life without love and attention, they think they do not deserve it. They don't know what good they can do. They don't know how good they are. So do the adult.

Ignorance hurts so bad. Dealing with each other emotional needs for the people you love is important.

finding a place to talk about their own feelings of sadness and isolation, or the stress in their lives. finding a place to get support and caring.

惆怅，徘徊

2009-05-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

原来对前面的不知道是如此地空白。
对，我完全没有了目标。
我应该再设新的目标了。
空白让我不知道为何存在。

头脑最近有时太简单又太复杂。
如果没有责任，能像以前一样疯疯癫癫。
那就好了。

我不知道该往哪里走。也不知道应该怎样。
是时候策划了。
aiyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
好讨厌。一点都不想长大。

我
什么都不懂。。。。。

emotions

2009-05-19T23:29:00.000-07:00

every man's weakness is their emotion.
so people try to hide their own emotion. ignoring it. hiding it. the way that you have a protection shield for your inner side.
it is so true you will get hurt easily once you have your emotion. things getting out of control. and you will just flow with it without logic.
you getting frustrated, irrational when you angry. you become depressing when you sad. you become ridiculous when you in love. you lose your own mind for emotion you have.i know in certain time i can lose control with it. but the emotion i have make my life.
my life that is not just a logical way but with lots of emotion that you cannot even tell by words. but you can feel it. it something you can't deny that it's there. even you try to convince yourself even you try to use your logic to explain to yourself. even you try to lie to yourself.we get hurt by emotion that we have. the hurt you get is trying to let you express more but not closing yourself. we must first learn how to deal with the hurt.
strolled through sky and ocean, snow and water.
why drip tears for nice things that have been. sadness can't contaminate our love.

i never stop believe in. and i won't stop to believe.

aiyoyoyoyo

2009-05-18T16:10:00.000-07:00

since when i forgot how fun we always take photos. :)

today i play with my best girl friends again on that. haha. :)
those lil small things which is silly but make us laugh and happy. laughing smiling for no reason. :)
the most simple thing that i can laugh on. nonstop. :)hahahha.

bon anniversaire

2009-05-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

:)happy birthday!!
Remember my wish will always with you. :)
<3

2009-05-14T15:32:00.000-07:00

for no reason
let's start laughing
without any jokes
when did we need excuses to do what we do
I won't explain myself
wouldn't you agree that sounds nice

lallala~~..

I just don't believe in
all this purposely for
the world's perception of me

:)

放逐

2009-05-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

愛的感覺不同付出的愛沒有結果

想不透我知道自己沒有錯
愛你的心忘了上鎖傻傻讓愛變成一種折磨
你對我一點不在乎我還是愛的不認輸
對你的愛我選擇了讓步

被放逐在寒冷的邊際
去學習曖昧不清不是甜蜜
不再理所謂的不公平
靜靜的離去輕輕閉上眼睛
(靜靜的擺在那裏)

********
我已不想追究
越是在乎的人越是猜不透

忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由

It's a No. It's a Yes.

2009-05-08T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
This is over my head
But underneath my feet

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
And now I cannot stop pacing
I wish my mind would just stop racing
I can be this not sturdy
I don't want to run away from this

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in

ahem..

2009-05-05T15:15:00.000-07:00

ahem ahem ahem..:)

i can feel it. :)

I'm happy. :)

I feel sweet. :)

I love it. :)

new light

2009-04-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

well, everyone experienced personal pain.

Rather than providing an escape from my own inner conflicts, I trying to face it, do it, change it for the better. not too arrogant about myself. And i know i have more and lots to learn for the better self. I came gradually to see my painful problems in a new light. I realised they formed part of a much larger suffering. And I found through that insight new energy to live amid my own hardship and pain.

We make pain and hurt for growth and insight? I have seen people that helped me to see how the way through suffering is not to deny it, but to live fully in the midst of it. They were asking how they could turn pain from a long interruption into an opportunity.Looking squarely at what causes us pain. We face the secret losses that have paralysed us and kept us imprisoned in denial or shame or guilt.The pain can be transformed into an opportunity for our spiritual growth.

Sometimes we need to ask ourselves just what our losses are. Doing so reminds us how real the experience of loss is. Thats when you remind yourself what is appreciation, what is love and give, what is feel glad and thankful for what you have.

Most of the people like easy victories: growth without crisis, healing without pains. but you will never learn how to appreciate it, and start to take everything as granted when things doesnt learn from difficulties and lessons.

If we did not have suffering, we would never learn compassion

If we did not have hopelessness, we would never learn faith

If we did not have delay, we would never learn patience

If we did not have struggle, we would never learn resilience

If we did not have adversity, we would never learn strength

If we did not have resistance, we would never learn perseverance

They produce preseverance, character and maturity. They produce endurance and experience.They produce hope.

:)

2009-04-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

You will be happier if you can be silly. :)

<3

2009-04-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

I love you!

These three little words when tied together can be the most precious of beautiful things to say or the most vile of mockeries.

When I say I love you to my most cherished people, the one I falling in love with. I try to make it special, I think about all the implications all the nuances to the words.

I; meaning myself, my whole self, through and through, in absolutely every way I know how.
Love; meaning absolute devotion. The selfless need for you to be happy for the somewhat selfish fact that it will make me happier than anything else. Meaning that you are always in my thoughts, and you'll always be important to me.
You; meaning everything you are, every little detail, every little happy or sad detail and quirk. Not excluding anything, not holding any thing back, the whole you.

when I say it, I remember all that it means. That I am devoted to your happiness, that I want for you to be happy at all times no matter what. Now, this doesn't only pertain to romantic relationships, but it applied to all relationships. It can become reflex after a while to just say it without thought.

I say I love you, and I mean I love everything about you, even through your troubles, even if you started hating me, I would still have to accept that love, because it's still you.

This is just my little thought because I was talking it over with my loved one. it can be so beautiful and pure.

what is then?

2009-04-05T23:54:00.000-07:00

I cannot answer it. And I'm not brave enough to question it.

a feeling of joy in being with someone, of taking delight in their presence.

a feeling of aching unhappiness in being separated and a powerful need to end the separation as soon as possible. If that separation becomes extended, then an increasingly powerful feeling of aching unhappiness and increasingly urgent need to rejoin them.

It is rather about looking into a person's soul and finding a heart beating inside them that is compelling and desirable. It is about their character. It is about recognizing virtue in that person that you value.

yeah. it's seems complicated yet it is as simple as it.

If you ask, i will say yes. If you ask, I can sacrifice.
It's not logical but I never have the so-called 'society logical' and the norm. I have my own logical that works for myself and yeah i still trust it.

yeah, it is.

2009-03-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

The message I wanted to portray. Like the end of any event being up all night, or when the rain stops and the sun comes out, it’s a transitional moment of getting past some kind of struggle.

Instead of feeling bad, be glad you’ve got somewhere to go.

Instead of feeling sad, be happy you’re not all alone.

Instead of feelin’ low, get high on everyting that you love

Instead of wastin’ time, feel good about what you’re dreaming of.

They need each other in order to complete.

Happy and sad; tragic and comic; grief and renewal

那天

2009-03-07T17:26:00.000-08:00

那天后，我就再也没有吵闹了。因为我知道我的任性伤害了彼此。我的偏激毁了好多东西。
我从来都没有改变自己的坏脾气。
似乎慢慢打开胸怀。

那天，你说没有了你，或许我很难受。但是一切都会没事的。你总是很理智的。
我知道。我们就开开心心珍惜现在。
我们的相遇已经是不可思议。我也不想要求太多了。

谢谢你带来的所有回忆。

satisfy

2009-02-22T10:58:00.000-08:00

small precious moments can build ocean of Joy for lifetime.

life, love and truth

2009-02-22T10:34:00.000-08:00

If you choose to accept the existing ones or come up with totally new ideas, it should have a reason. At some point, you might have to accept things just as they are – like faith or belief. People say faith and belief do not have a reason. Somehow I have not been able to accept that. I mean I feel there is a reason behind everything. Just that we might not be able to find a reason for it, or just maybe that we are afraid of searching lest we lose faith once we have analyzed that. I mean, it happens that once you have analyzed everything you finally realize that it wasn’t as great as you believed and hence lose confidence in it. But it’s alright. You don’t need to overwork your brain over everything. Blind faith might help at times. Like “love” they say

People said the greatest challenge for the human race is love. It is possibly extremely difficult to love other people, since we all have so many flaws. Sometimes we manage to hide ourselves. When they are exposed to people who are close, reactions are different and varied from person to person. We are unable to accept people with their inhibitions, their weaknesses and their wrongful judgments at times. The greatest achievement of man and woman would only be when they can accept the imperfections in fellow human beings without prejudice. While I never think that's true. People usually think love is complicated because they can never open their heart and break the wall. Afraid but not accepting it. Scare but not admit it's there. Because the truth is pain. It mess up your world and it question your thought. W tends to hide it and pretends like nothing because it hurts. The problem still there and the scar still there and it never heal if we never try to open the wound and try to heal it. While that's the challenge in life to really open your heart. Even I having hard time to do it. I give love but I shut down myself for people to love me even I hope t to be loved by others. I don't know why I'm questioning myself. I cannot feel it. It's make a big hole in my heart. So real .....

Yes I totally agree there are no absolute right ways to do things. so if there are no "absolute rights" why not do "what you feel right" than "what others perceive to be right" But there are times that your so called 'right "is totally wrong but you never want to change it because you are afraid to change. People are always too scare to come out from the comfort zone. The zone that protect them from what the pain truth is.

when you love a person, then it comes with the knowledge that you have to love him just the way he is.who does not have flaws?? every one...
you, me, everyone. so if you think that "I too have flaws, so does he/she" it would be easier to love a person. anyways when love flows from the heart and not the mind that such doubts do not creep it...when in love, trust your heart and take a leap.... hopefully the journey will be beautiful..
:)

extraordinary

2009-02-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

well..it is extraordinary.

and i do feel it. and i will try to keep myself up . hope its not too late.

:)

2009-01-09T12:23:00.001-08:00

I learn a lots because of you.
Appreciate that.

糟糕

2009-01-01T03:03:00.000-08:00

我自制能力慢慢下降了。

可怕。。。只有陪伴才能克制自己。

fall tail

2008-12-26T01:01:00.001-08:00

年华似水，匆匆一瞥，多少岁月，轻描淡写，过往有些悲欢，总是去而复返。

：）

2008-09-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

原来并不难。

是我胆小了。

重新发芽

2008-08-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

很无奈的,倔强的,不愿承认现实,不愿和残酷冰冷的现实妥协的我.依然敌不过时间的力量.

随时间的流逝,青春一点一点的干涸了.我终究是泛泛之辈,没有力量去守护过往的任何.

现在的我变得很独立很坚强.再重的行李我自己扛,再难的路也阻止不了我对遥远的美好风景的向往和追寻.

现在的我觉得很孤独很寂寞.却又比谁都能独自承受这种感受,即使没人陪伴也不渴求人群喧闹的过好自己.

现在的我仍然以一颗单纯的心在尘世挣扎,用微弱的力量去信仰爱情.

Let's start from here

2008-08-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

你对你的玫瑰所花的时间使得玫瑰对你这么重要

一句引发深思的话。我很赞同。
某些事物，某些人，因为对你太重要了，你花费心思，时间，一切的一切在那。
就也因为付出多了，那个地位又提高了。它变得更重要。你又怎么舍得呢？
是自私。也是执著。又或许只是人的本性。
过于执著，迷失自我。
太考虑他人，也会迷失自我。
偏偏人都会明知故犯。

Let's start from here, lose the past
change our minds, we don't need a finish line
let's take this chance not think too deep
of all those promises we couldn't seem to keep
I don't care where we go
Let's start from here

:)

2008-08-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

我也不知道为什么，就开开心心走完它吧。

：）

+_+

2008-08-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

i hate people who complain nonstop even they are having a good life. Much more better than anyone. i hate it when they never think how lucky they are but they think how much more they never get.

people just never get satisfy.

miss you

2008-07-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

papi, mami...i miss you.

保护

2008-07-13T16:28:00.000-07:00

习惯性的伪装。

有人说是把那受伤的过去埋起。不让伤口重现。
也或许埋起自己最软弱的一面。埋起那自己内心的恐惧。
这样永远把它收起，自己也不会在害怕。

就算那努力的想要摆脱，当作没一回事。那小小的回忆小小的弱点像针一样一刺，那内心的软弱伤口就立刻重现。

伪装只是暂时把东西搁置在废物室。它依然存在，只是我们总是爱欺骗自己东西已经永远在身边消失了。真正的面对才能真正的拜托。

有些人更习惯性的武装自己。把自己变得象刺猬般不可亲近，变得小丑般搞笑。努力的武装也是心里的害怕。

我也有自己的伪装和武装。明知那不是好方法，却不得有时候把东西埋起。
在哪一天，我做到真正能面对的勇气它们都会消失。希望我能变得如此的成熟面对。

美莉：）

自己

2008-07-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

原来有太多东西是要靠自己。
太多问题是因为自己而存在。

我讨厌荷尔蒙的作祟。让我情绪波动永远不定。

眼泪有时会不经意地划过。就让它如此。我不介意。

了解是如此重要的东西，却是一生的学问。
少了细心, 观察，用心，思考，尝试，很多因数，人就一生都不会懂得了解，理解。一篇文章有时让你难以理解。真正一个人站在你面前可能你一生都猜不透。

那`

2008-07-05T10:22:00.000-07:00

我一直寻找心里的晴天。尝试。做过。学过。
却拨不开那乌云。
我只要找到另一個感覺。　

淚水　是一種防備　是厭倦在你心裡的負累

我那躲也躲不掉的微妙傷口隱隱作痛

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

我在向前走　卻像在退後
我在用想念　狂歡寂寞
越快樂就越失落　愛將我們高高舉起以後
再讓心　學會墜落
懷念著　寬闊的天空
雖然那裡　空氣很稀薄

＃我努力　想起你　笑著哭泣
　讓自己　深愛你　再學會放棄
　我不想忘記你　就算可以　我寧可記得所有傷心＃

@我努力　想起你　哭也沒關係
　用祝福　和感激　勇敢失去你
　愛你這個決定　雖然艱辛　我不說對不起@

一個人不懂　什麼是擁有
兩個人不懂　怎麼把握
越在乎就越脆弱　愛將我們高高舉起以後
再讓心　學會墜落
懷念著　寬闊的天空
雖然那裡　空氣很稀薄

零

2008-07-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

永远都不想要的感觉。

夏天

2008-06-28T00:03:00.000-07:00

first day of summer

少了阳光般的笑容，热情的消失。。。
我的心蓝蓝的。

天空出现了许多季候鸟。是移民的时候。新的天地，路途中缺少了许多游伴。

懂得的心情又有多少。谁人懂。。。

friend

2008-06-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

still nothing change. still it still there. still it no longer the same. still i wish everything will be fine

Looking at those pics and your life.

hey, i wish we are still friend.

2008 年的人

2008-06-11T14:28:00.000-07:00

2008年，

我们改变了什么，多了什么，少了什么。。。

我，找回了一部分的自己。多了一些梦想。Like what she told me: we always dream big, so ambitious because we are so young. I always agree. I knew i never have enough.

茅盾的自己不想过得太一般。却有时一直在寻找那份简单。

这几天有个想法，告诉了yuriko　－　我最要好，最佩服的女强人：）。　过几天她就会到她追求梦的地方。而我们各自会在自己的地方“打拼”。ｗｏｒｋｉｎｇ　ｆｏｒ　ＵＮ　ｉｓ　ｈｅｒ　ｂｉｇｇｅｓｔ　ｄｒｅａｍ　ａｎｄ　ｉ　ｋｎｅｗ　ｓｈｅ　ｃａｎ　ｍａｋｅ　ｉｔ．　ｌｏｏｋｉｎｇ　ａｔ　ｈｏｗ　ｓｈｅ　ｃｏｍｍｕｎｉｃａｔｅ　ａｎｄ　ｗｏｒｋ．　ｗｏｗ．．．ｔｈｉｓ　ｇｉｒｌ　ｉｓ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ａｍａｚｉｎｇ．　Ｈｅｒ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔ　ｍａｋｅｓ　ｍｅ　ｆｅｅｌ　Ｉ＇ｍ　ｎｏｔ　ａｌｏｎｅ．

Ｉ　ｗａｎｔ．　Ｉ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｅｘｐｅｒｉｅｎｃｅ　ａ　ｍｕｃｈ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｓｔｒｅｓｓｆｕｌ，　ｃｏｍｐｅｔｉｔｉｖｅ　ａｎｄ　ｃｈａｌｌｅｎｇｉｎｇ　ｌｉｆｅ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｉｇｇｅｓｔ　ｍｅｔｒｏｐｏｌｉｔａｎ　ｃｉｔｙ．　Ｉ　ｄｒｅａｍ　ｂｉｇ　ａｎｄ　ｉ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｆｕｌｆｉｌｌ　ｍｙ　ｄｒｅａｍ．ｐｅｏｐｌｅ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｔｈｉｎｋ　ｉ＇ｍ　ｄａｙｄｒｅａｍｉｎｇ　ｂｕｔ　ｏｎｅ　ｔｈｉｎｇ　ｉ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｉｓ　ｉ　ｎｅｖｅｒ　ｂｅｌｉｅｖｅ　ｉｎ　ｉｍｐｏｓｓｉｂｌｅ．

想起曾经有个很要好的朋友在我来之前，告诉我无论到了哪里都不要改变自己。我当时就想说我会改变。因为我认为我回选择最好的改变，我分得清什么是好和坏。我不可能永远都是那个我。我知道我需要更多的进步。我还是我，是懂得更多的我。Ｉ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｔｏ　ｌａｌａｌａｌａ．．ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｔｏ　ａｃｔ　ｃｒａｚｙ．．．ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｍｉｓｓ　ｍｙ　ｇｉｒｌｓ．．．　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｈａｖｅ　ｓｏｍｅ　ｓｔｕｐｉｄ　ｂｅｈａｖｉｏｒ　ｔｈａｔ　ｉ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｈａｖｅ．．．ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｔｅｎｄｓ　ｔｏ　ｌｏｓｔ　ｍｙ　ｓｔｕｆｆ．．．ｍｅｓｓ　ｕｐ　ｍｙ　ｓｔｕｆｆ．．．　ｉ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｃｒｙ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｗａｔｃｈ　ｍｏｖｉｅ．．Ｌｉｆｅ　ｃｈａｎｇｅｄ　ｄｒａｍａｔｉｃａｌｌｙ，　ｂｕｔ　ｏｎｅ　ｔｈｉｎｇ　ｒｅｍａｉｎｅｄ　ｃｅｒｔａｉｎ　ｔｈａｔ　ｗｅ　ａｌｌ　ｈａｖｅ　ｏｕｒ　ｏｗｎ　ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ　ｏｆ　ｏｕｒ　ｌｉｆｅ　ｔｈａｔ　ｃａｎｎｏｔ　ｂｅ　ｆｏｒｇｏｔｔｅｎ．

ｙｅａｒ　２００８，　ｉ　ｆｏｕｎｄ　ｗｅ　ａｌｌ　ｃｈａｎｇｅ．　ｂｕｔ　ｗｅ　ａｒｅ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｏｕｒｓｅｌｖｅｓ．　

变化

2008-06-07T12:51:00.000-07:00

人的变化真的可以发生的很快。有时候快得让你来不及反应。

我曾经的以为却在转眼间变得那么不确实。原来所有东西只是我单纯的以为。

我想要人永远的不变是不可能的事。时间事情所有东西一直在改变着我。真如你们都是一样。我以为不可能发生的事却发生了。或许我过分相信自己对些事情的判断力。

已经过了一段时间我没有在一帮人的身边，每个人在这段时间都有所变化。我不知道以后会如何。却还是坚信一些事情。有时候发现朋友会随着时间的消失是多么的可怕。哪个我一直以为最真诚的心也会在那一瞬间变得什么都不是。我是如此地珍惜。。。。。。。

朋友和情人只差了一条细小的界线却从来不会让我对两者有任何爱的差别。

美莉：）

P.S. I love you

2008-05-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

My recommended movie:) P.s. I love you, so far most of the girls have the same response like me. Love it super much. Crying as the story go on. Guys seem like don't have a lots of interest to this movie even i ask my bf to watch which makes me so sad. +_+ I just think it's a great movie remind you really need to appreciate the man beside you. I really love him. I didn't know what i can do if i really lost him maybe like Holly. A wonderfully warm and heartfelt debut. everyone needs a guardian angel and i hope we all do. this story was so brilliant . holly and jerry are true to life true sweat hearts, but what happens next is hard to imagen and so treible that you really feel the pain of the story, but you just think that it is very sad and on the next page it is full of complete fun laughter, and hope.

How i wished i have a guy like jerry. So sweet, understand his girl so well. everything what a girl need.
:)

痕迹

2008-04-28T20:25:00.000-07:00

曾经得我是个如此不懂得控制自己情绪的人。
我不懂得如何释放情绪，压力。却糟蹋自己。那过去的所谓青春的过渡期。对我是场噩梦。不过却让我张进很多。

我却给了我自己的健康作了代价。这是我一生人做的最错的事。要补偿给我的身体却太迟了。能做的只是让自己现在吃得建健康康。：）

因为你，我如此的不懂事。逻辑思考也不见。失去自己。那一段是最可怕的过程。突然想起那么多的以前，是我荷尔蒙开始作祟了吧。月经拜访阶段。

我想至少现在的我懂得如何保护自己却又不失去彼此的爱。感谢你的改变，对于我的态度也慢慢改善，我真得慢慢在恢复着。我可以感觉到你的用心。我一直都不放弃得给你机会，总是觉得也许下一秒你会改。确实你做到了。知道你对我的愧疚，我只是觉得爱没有分对错吧。我们只是在漫漫的一起成长着。尝试不让那么多的一切困扰自己，却有些过去永远还放在心中，挥之不散。对不起，我对还有太多东西得不信任，我确实还有点恐惧。我学习着放开。爱钻牛角尖的我，怎么样有些事情还是放不开。

不过还是期待你的到来。我们的爱是如此的不同。那么久的不见面，却有条线紧紧地把我们套着。

too much

2008-04-23T19:35:00.000-07:00

Just love Jules to be my teacher not just for yoga but also the way she taught me the way to see the world and myself. Everything from her experience. I really appreciate and enjoy it. Really felt thankful to her. I have so much from her. I have so much to learn.

Feeling low energy today. She thought I'm hurting my back when i doing the pose. But i just don't feel like doing it.

At the end as usual she gave us some opinion some way to develop ourself. Today, she share something about "perfect". Perfect is such a mean word. I totally agree with it. Nothing is perfect but still people are finding perfect on everything. Including myself. I have so much expectation on certain thing i scare I'm not doing good enough. Putting so much responsibility on yourself is never a good thing. Sometime we just need to learn to let go something. I never learn how to do it. I never want to let everything go. Sometimes, i collapsed but i'm forcing myself to go and go and go. I'm pushing myself. It somehow become my principle that nothing is impossible you just need to push yourself harder and harder.

Feeling so tired but still go on. Yoga really helps me a lots at this time. No one know what is perfect. It's never exist. It's only exist when you are satisfy with yourself. I always told myself to satisfy on certain thing. Ya, i did it. but still on certain thing i just cannot let go. My brain has been washed by the society culture. It become a norm that we all need to have something to become success. It seems to become a label to everyone. I wish i can let go everything and live by my own but i just can't when i stepping into the society right now. The way you do things you thought has all changed just to suit the society otherwise you will never survive. You are working for others, live by working with others what on their mind is important to you because they somehow let you lived. It's just so hard for me to live on my own like how i want to be when i was young. How much i want for my life for myself ???I have no idea. Definitely right now i'm satisfy with what i have but when i look further and longer time i think i need more....well..i don't know why. but i want to see more about the world therefore i need more, i want to know more so i need more and more..everything then seems become not enough...It's really on your mindset on how perfect your life is. I wish i can change my mindset now.

I have defeated by the the reality for sure. Even i always don't want to.
Learning to let go. Trying to let go.........

super woman

2008-04-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

hmm..今天有点点的感触。说不上什么，虽然有点自闭，有点独来独往。却还是很自在。有时候知道自己盖出去socialize却懒得这么做。我知道我是个过于保护自己的人，从来不轻易表露自己。除非那固定的死党。这一年来，真的每个月都自己过着，吃着早餐。午餐，晚餐。我早已习惯不跟人沟通的感觉。我还是很自在。也许就像我朋友说的长大了顾虑的更多了。

真正知道我的人知道我的近况。这一年来在这里一点都不好受，有时累了发发牢骚，大哭一场，胡言乱语，最后我总是自己擦干自己的眼泪，在自己站起来。我自己比谁都清楚，只有自己才能让自己有更大的成就。发牢骚，闹脾气，哭一场，都只不过是暂时让自己有个出口，让后再继续。其实我心里知道我一直都很硬，坚强的折磨自己已经变成了我人生的磨练。我承认自己是好强的人。自己知道我不可能甘心让自己的生活太平淡。所以我从没后悔让自己辛苦。有人欣赏我的干强，却难以了解我付出的代价。有时候会只想做个软弱的人(超短的时间），让自己被照顾着。但是我还是想要有自己的成就。

我是个满感性的人，容易掉眼泪，连看着小叮当都会哭。只是我的感性多数被认为软弱。我从来不把自己认为软弱，因为我知道哭不代表什么。我知道自己从来都很勇敢，喜欢挑战吃苦。当初一个人过来就已近下了最大的决心，在最后一个人搬家，搬去这，搬去那。一个人靠着自己，在这两个陌生的地方生活。没有熟悉的人，没有朋友的帮助，没有家人的支持，我也一句不吭声。想回去对我是最大的磨练。有人问我你不怕吗？我是怕。但是我知道如果我继续站着害怕，我只会停在原地。而且只有我自己帮助得到我自己。认为我是软弱只会哭的人，只是太不懂我的人。

我是蛮想做个女强人，却也想静静的被呵护着。还是有带着女人本性。：）我对自己有太多的不满。对自己有更多的要求。所以我还不想停下来。也许那一天我对自己和家人又说交待，我会放慢自己的脚步。我也许失去了就珍贵的东西，但我不能后悔。我对自己的苛刻，给自己的压力，都只要对自己交待，让自己甘心。有些人只会羡慕别人的好，别人有的机会和东西，我却觉得那是浪费时间。自己是最清楚什么东西对自己是最好的，机会不是幸运而得来的。世界上到处都是机会，只是看你肯不肯努力去争取。我知道这个道理，所以我只想让自己部队自己有个遗憾。努力向机会迈进。：）每个人都可以做到，关键在于你的想法，肯不肯要，肯不肯牺牲，肯不肯努力，肯不肯放弃玩乐。有取就有舍。

：）祝福大家。

美莉

my doubt.

2008-04-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

Just found that it's been a while since i actually try to update my blog here. haizz...i should maintain this blog as well. but it is just so convenience to me to blogging in friendster somehow.

Well. i got a big news last week. a good news!!but i dunno why i still confuse and not really excited but let me think more. hmm...my prof want to sponsor me to study Phd after i graduate. yeah....i can be a doctorate degree without studying master. but i need to stay here for four more years. i know its a good chance but i really homesick for this one year. become so emotional and alone. i dunno how far i still can stretch myself to move on. i really not sure. i talked to my dad just now and told him about this new. he is very happy but he let me makes the decision by myself. it's hard. it's like you have a more bright future then but you need to go on the process being far away being laid back in the life in Msia. everyone is enjoy their so called nice 21 years old life having fun with friends family. but i'm here all by myself. i dunno whether i will be regret when i'm old i dont use the prime time i have with my friends and family but use it to fight for a so called bright future.

i'm still not sure. my yoga teacher want me to learn how to let go of certain things. and tell me somehow the so called value things like degree, money super job has actually no value. ya, i know that. but still it's hard for a normal peson to let go all these stuff when all the people surrouded you especially my family has so much expectation for me and i determine wanna take care of my parents so well with whatever i can after i got a job.. i cannot so selfless doing a dream job without money after my dad has mortgage our house just for my study. i just can't let him down. i dunno. feel wanna do something for him. makes him feel proud.

:)

2007-11-26T19:30:00.001-08:00

“一切都会过去的”

这是一种心灵上的态度。。。

回头看看你的一生，从出生起到安顿下来，你听了一些话，做了一些事，度过哀伤，也欢度过快了时光；曾经愤怒，饮泣，流泪，大笑。。。不管多少个曾经，那又如何？一切都过去了，不是吗？

未来会如何？隔几天，会变得怎么样？你最多不过是笑笑跳跳，要不然就是失望流泪，那又如何？反正都会过去的。

生命的遭遇又犹如水中浮草，木业，花瓣，终究会在时间的河流中飘到远方。

失意吗？你可以试着把困苦想象成一滴墨汁，滴到河中，看着河水又没有改变？有改变，但几乎是看不出来的。就算看出来了又怎么样？一切，还是会过去的。事情总是来来去去，在万事顺逐时，美好会过去，让我们懂得珍惜；在悲伤失望时，痛苦会过去，让我们学会接受。日子纵使而有阴影遮掩，烟尘蒙蔽，然而愁雾散去，又 将是清澈明净，云淡风轻。

试着回忆起两个月前的这个时刻，你对生活有何抱怨？你记不起来了，对不对？再问问自己，十年后这个问题还有多重要？像现在，就在此刻，不管你是喜也好，悲也罢，一切都会过去的。朋友，就算现在你有几不愿意和疲累都好，你都要忍耐跨过那条界线。加油！！！

我

2007-11-21T11:51:00.000-08:00

我应该如何适应现在没有你的不习惯。。。

：）

2007-11-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

我总是很相信你说过的话。
我喜欢浪漫。你就会告诉我答应我那一切就浪漫的爱。我深深地被打动。一次比一次更爱你。总觉得我是你的了。人生重要的时刻不能没有你。
曾经我的生命是属于你的。为了你我无法控制我的生活。没有了逻辑，没有了自己。就在那时候我的梦想只有你，最初看世界的梦也消失了。
就算你对我的伤害我都觉得那是值得的，总有一天你知道是错的，你会更珍惜我。我总相信爱是一切。我总是相信你。就算再多人不希望我守在你身边。
最后我发现对你的好变成你伤害我的理由。我的听从原谅让你一次比一次伤我更深。我记得我是如何哭得眼睛发炎却又回头苦苦哀求你。原谅仅让让你变本加厉。对你的爱。。。。
总认为撑过这一段我们就是永远了。所以不论怎样，我没有埋怨。

承诺从没有实现。失去希望。
今天的我没有了你。
我呆在这想完成自己的梦。这一次没有了你。

辽阔

2007-11-17T21:21:00.000-08:00

世界太大。我的挑战心又再次出现。我还想继续走。到我真正了解答案。就算累了，我也不再放弃。：）支持我。

+_+

2007-10-15T21:42:00.000-07:00

烟还点着味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的

想做乐观的人
每种雨声听了都不冷

我的决定是对的?